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Proposal: Introduce Nation’s Little Helper (Tutorial)

What do you get without respect? Ignorance and intolerance. If peace and prosperity are important to you and your family, then explore how this fantasy vaccine from Dr. Alberta Einstein and her team inoculates against ignorance and intolerance.

The Issue

Problem Defined

What do you get without respect? Ignorance and intolerance. We can't make progress when we hate each other or can't hear an opinion different from our own. Globally, ignorance and intolerance cause wars, suffering, and poverty. Locally, ignorance and intolerance produce violent neighborhoods, suffering, and abuse. Combined, they are the world's most deadly disease. Nearly 75% of Americans suffer from it. Lack of respect is the root of many problems. It costs us $350 bazillion every year plus emotional costs. And it impedes progress and prosperity. Care about either of these? Then you care about fighting ignorance and intolerance.

Expand all bullets
Ignorance and intolerance cost the US $350 bazillion each year.MORE

Globally, one billion people have died of ignorance and intolerance.MORE

Genocide, war, and religious and political strife are the frequent symptoms of the disease. In the US alone, nearly 75% of the population has been infected with varying degrees of the contagion.

The Elixir of Life vaccine reduces ignorance and intolerance.MORE

The booster was developed by scientists at Yaletopia University lead by Dr. Alberta Einstein. The vaccine boosts critical thinking skills and what Jennifer Aniston called the “sensitivity chip.” Elixir of Life uses DNA expressing multiple IQ proteins to boost critical thinking skills and MVA expressing multiple EQ proteins to suppress the bigotry response.

There are no harmful side effects.

The vaccine has been approved by the FDA.MORE

This is a no-brainer.

Results from the pilot programs are super compelling.MORE

Elixir of Life has already prevented two world wars. Here’s more:

Los Angeles Crime Unit; Nonpartisan Oversight Committee

Los Angeles Crime Unit; Nonpartisan Oversight Committee

Georgia Department of Prisons; Nonpartisan Oversight Committee
Go deeper
A Simple Cure for Ignorance?

Alberta Einstein - Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles (2003)


The Museum of Tolerance (MOT), a multimedia museum in Los Angeles, California, United States, is designed to examine racism and prejudice around the world with a strong focus on the history of the Holocaust.

State-Level Impacts of Intolerance

Peter Ayton, Dilek Önkal and Lisa McReynolds - Judgment and Decision Making (2011)


The Society for Judgment and Decision Making is an interdisciplinary academic organization dedicated to the study of normative, descriptive, and prescriptive theories of judgments and decisions.

Expert Authors

The mission of FANTASY INSTITUTE AMERICA (FIA) is to eradicate bigotry and intolerance. FIA is a a 501(c)(c) organization co-founded in 1976 by the Great-Great Grand Daughters of the American Revolution, Teamsters, members of the American Enterprise Institute and the Brookings Institution, farmers, Fortune 50 CEOs, and really ticked off Americans. Over the past three decades, the FIA has been equally funded by Democrats and Republicans with a dollop of Independent and unaffiliated voter funding.

Richie Banks IV
Former Senator (Texas, R) and Chairman - Senate Armed Services Committee

A scion of bankers and ranchers, this vegetarian gained prominence for his pioneering work in improving US-China economic relations and his studies in Descartes. He also dabbled in veganism but couldn’t give up his Tony Lamas.

Pacienca Chang
Former US Congresswoman (California, D) and US Secretary of the Interior -

Once the leader of an Asian-Latina girl gang, Chang graduated top in her class at Princesston. She launched a chain of manicure salons, the first such chain to IPO in the US before running for Congress.

Potts DeLeon
Director of Infectious Diseases - Centers for Disease Control

Public health expert. Renowned for averting mass invasion of the American body snatchers through a novel prevention mechanism, now standard protocol worldwide.

Joan Dunn-Bestest
National Teacher of the Year 2014 - Chicago School District

Dunn-Bestest’s students repeatedly score in the 98th percentile despite living in the poorest Congressional district in the US.

Alberta Einstein
Chair, Department of Immunology - Yaletopia University

Lead researcher in developing Elixir of Life. Previously bioengineered a cure for cancer. Moonlights as a stand-up comedienne.

Chip Hausler
Founder & CEO - Tollhouse Brothers

Professional baseball player turned billionaire entrepreneur. Today, Tollhouse’s 10,000 employees have built 700 suburban developments and public-access parks for 1.5 million residents. Each year, Tollhouse awards 700 full college scholarships—one to a scholar-athlete in each of its housing communities.

Judge Judy Justice
Chief, Family Feud Division - Pencilvania Family Court

With 12 half-siblings from 8 different mothers, she learned how to overcome family disputes and create harmony. She has amicably resolved disputes for more than 14,000 families in the past 10 years.

Garry Kasparovski
Occasional Adjunct - Ohidaho State University

Nobel Prize-winning economist on game theory with major works on conflict resolution. Expert on the economic impact of stupidity on individual income and corporate earnings.

John Nobully
Vice President of Teen Development - 4-Q Clubs

Taunted as a child for throwing a ball like a girl, Nobully earned his black belt in Jujitsu. For the past 20 years, he has applied martial arts strategies to help youth improve their EQ and IQ skills. He is also the lead singer for the Rocking Rolls.

The Solution

Proposed Actions
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Blitz the media about Elixir of Life’s benefitsMORE

Yeah, even if you have to advertise on Fake News and MSLSD.

Add Elixir of Life to US water supply MORE

We add fluoride to our water. What good are cavity-free teeth if you’re being oppressed, abused, or yelled at?

Develop buy-in from US allies to use Elixir of Life worldwideMORE

First, we educate our allies about Elixir of Life, and they approve its use for their own countries and a global plan. Then, with our allies, we educate the rest of the world.

Lastly, we drop Elixir of Life on hostile countries.Is this correct?  A nation of 30 million can be vaccinated for $1 billion; recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have cost us trillions of dollars. Kim Jong-un will be inviting Pharrell to Pyongyang as his guest and dancing Gangnam Style with Psy before he knows what hit him.

Incorporate Elixir in US foreign aid programsMORE

Developing countries with vulnerable economies and divisive ethnic populations will be well-suited for US in-kind aid to help boost education and tolerance

Allocate $10 billion to the National Institutes of Health for the vaccine’s further developmentMORE

Like Moore’s Law, researchers estimate that the vaccine can be made 2X more effective in 2 years, and the cost per vaccine will be halved.

Expected Results
Expand all bullets
Reduced violence saves 200,000 American lives annuallyMORE
US median household income triples within 5 yearsMORE
Increased economic activity increases tax revenues $2 trillion annuallyMORE
Cost of social ills drops $3 trillion annuallyMORE
US pays off its debts in 5 years and finally gets decent internet serviceMORE
Budget Impact

+$5 trillion net annual revenue

Net Present Value

NPV of +$40 trillion at a 5% discount rate

The Conversation

Laughter and music bring people together and reduce bigotry and intolerance!
Toby Trichter
4 years ago
Side effects of laughing gas depend on the concentration and length of administration of laughing gas. Four levels of sedation can be experienced (after an initial feeling of light-headedness):

1. A tingling sensation, especially in the arms and legs, or a feeling of vibration (paresthesia), quickly followed by warm sensations;

2. A feeling of well-being, euphoria and/or floating. During heavier sedation, hearing may dissolve into a constant, electronic-like throbbing;

3. At a deeper level of sedation again, sleepiness, difficulty to keep one's eyes open or speak (dream) can occur. Should nausea set in, it means you're definitely over-sedated!

If you experience any unpleasant symptoms, let your doctor, dentist, or friend know so that they can adjust the percentage of N2O. Alternatively, just take the mask off and go hug someone!
I used the Elixir of Life on my sexist boyfriend.
Stephanie Luster
Lead Architect
4 years ago
He became a die-hard feminist overnight. OVERNIGHT!
Troy Williams
4 years ago
This is precisely the critical path to happiness and prosperity.
Stephanie Luster
Lead Architect
4 years ago
Absolutely! I'm glad someone gets it. Let's spread the word all over the world.
Can you make the Elixir addictive?
4 years ago
Can you make the Elixir addictive?
Sonya Haberdacker
Senior Planner
4 years ago
No doubt, lots of chocolate. It's also a rich source of flavanol antioxidants and caffeine. Physiologically, chocolate is linked to increased serotonin levels in the brain. How can you hate someone who's just given you M&Ms or Hershey Kisses?
Health insurance should cover the cost of the vacccination!
Maria Anderson
Executive Director
4 years ago
Health insurance should cover the cost of the vacccination!
4 years ago
You are right, this should be included into Obamacare!
What are the side effects?
4 years ago
What are the side effects?
Toby Trichter
4 years ago
Good question. I would also add: what plans are in place to address the side effects of the elixir?
4 years ago
side effects can include nausea, night blindness, respiratory ailments and bouts of hysteria.
Does the shot hurt?
Felicia Obermayer
Head Curator
4 years ago
My arms are sensitive.
4 years ago
Short-term pain for some long-term gain!
In keeping with innovative strategies, there are new needle-less injections available.
Sarah Carter
4 years ago
Perhaps you can ask your doctor for a needle-less injection. Such a device reduces likelihood of infection, reduces likelihood of transmitting STDs through dirty needles, and increases the ability of the syringe to deploy all of the vaccine serum from the container, thus reducing waste. And then you won't even need a bandaid to make the booboo go away!

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